All teachers should tell parents this regardless if the student is a behavior problem or not. For the child to be successful, you (the teacher) need the parent's support (them) to discipline the child. If the parent won't support you for whatever reason, even your best effort as a teacher will not be enough for their child to succeed. And the best the teacher can do is to make sure the parents and students understand the rules and consequences like detention, suspension, alternative class, alternative school, police, etc.
Make sure parents understand that the teachers and school can only teach the students rules and consequences, not discipline. Teacher and school can not discipline the student. All teachers and schools can do is give consequences. Disciplining is still the parent's responsibility. Refer the parents to the US show ';SUPERNANNY'; on ABC-TV.
I believe the number one problem with the US education today is the parents, and the number two problem is the students. Parents are afraid of their children. Children do not understand the motivation of fear. Until the parents and students support the teachers in the US, it doesn't matter how much money we spend on teachers, facilities or resources for our schools. Or what administration does to support the teachers. Students will remain undisciplined and unmotivated and ultimately unsuccessful compared to the rest of the world.Fellow teachers please help: what do you say to parents who have no control of their own children?
If you have found techniques that work or a topic that seems to get the child's attention, suggest that you sit down to brainstorm ideas for how you both can help him/her to adopt appropriate behavior. Really listen and empathize. The parent then doesn't feel lectured and defensive and they may come up with more solutions that you both can use. Presumably they do know the child better. This sounds a bit idealistic, but I have on occasion had good results with it.
I will be brief and to the point. Try to step out of the ';teacher role'; and play parent for a moment. You must ';parent the parents,'; so to speak, occassionally. I never have problems with this because I do not ';look down on'; other parents. We are all learning from one another.
I'm no teacher, but I would tell a struggling parent about this miracle show called nanny 911 or some like that, worked for me. Did I mention how good the show is!
I suggest you give them advice on disciplinary techniques then tell them if THEY can't discipline their kids, the school isn't going to do it for them.
Eight years before the chaulk. Let me be brutally honest. When a parent makes his or her child their best friend, things go down hill. Children need to develop--yes. Children need to make choices on their own--yes. However, some parents forget or overlook the con-sequence piece for their child's bad behavior or poor judgement making.
Now to answer your question, keep a log of behaviors, times and dates. You may find a pattern. Kids with crappy home lives generally
have behavior spikes on Mondays, Fridays, and just before and after vacations. A kid whom is bullied on the playground may resort to behaviors as to gain a lunchtime detention. I have been taught that needs drive behavior.
The parent piece: God help us! I have met so many psychos! The biggest problem in parents
comes in two brands, the helicopter type and the guilt ridden type. Helicopter is the rescue
type. Whenever the child makes a miss step,
here comes the flight for life.The weapon of choice for this parent is the blame thrower. The guilt ridden parent works two or three jobs to maintain status quo and is permissive out of guilt. These two types make our job difficult. You must tell them that inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated. This needs to be done at the beginning of the year and must reflect school policy. Keep a log of incidents, reach three, move toward a tangible punishment. YOU cannot threaten and not act!!!
The other piece is the administrator, they must back up school policy. Children who continually interrupt instruction need some down time. It is not fair to the kids who want to learn. Period.
If your administrator is a parent pleaser, start your resume.
I'll say a prayer for you.
As a teacher, there's only so much you can do. Stressing how poor performance and behavior will hurt their child in the real world is perhaps the best way to get through to them.
But with many kids having both parents working 9 to 5, many of those parents are simply too tired to help or be bothered. And there might be parents who see it as not really being all that bad, or take the attitude of ';so what.'; Plus, there may be some parents who are afraid of their kid. Kids are more violent today and get away with far more than they used to, so discipline at school and at home these days is less than years ago.
All we can do is tell the parents that this type of behavior won't be tolerated in school or in life. So if they want to see their child succeed, and who doesn't, then they should step in and help deal with it.
Don't be pissed at the parents. It's the government and it's laws that are making these kids so screwed up. No discipline!!!! The government can discipline our kids but the parents can't. Do what most school systems do and recommend the kids are put on drugs .....Ritalin or other A.D.H.D. drugs. Most kids go through a stage of this type of behavior and is normal. They also outgrow it. Do you have kids? Between our government and the pharmaceutical companies that support their campaigns this **** is pushed on our children. So... out with the good old fashion spanking and in with the cooperate alternative. After all...who knows your kids better? The politician looking for the money to fund his campaign or the mom or dad that raises the child? And yes, parents have become helpless because of being afraid to discipline their children!
just dont worry about it and collect your paycheck b/c thats just way its always going to be and no matter how hard you stress or think about it, the parents will always have the same reactions.
students are a reflection of their home environment.There is not much you can do about that.
Tell them you are concerned about their childs future.
A parent ( which was a teacher herself ) came to her childs school and confronted our teacher,cursing at her in front of the whole class. Guess what kind of student he was ? ? ? ?
I will tell them that maybe someday they won't talk to a teacher or a principal but to a policeman or a judge.
It depends on the parent.
If the parent is whiny or helpless, and therefore guidable, I direct them to our community area parenting classes. I guide them toward family counseling, and link the parent to our school counselor for a community referral. And we sit down with the team of me, the student's other teacher (I'm a special ed teacher), and the parent, and come up with a simple school/home cross-environment simple plan of target behaviors, rewards, and consequences that both the school and the parent can reasonably manage. If necessary, we have this as a full IEP meeting for a Behavior Intervention Plan. I try to maintain at least weekly contact with the parent to address concerns with home implementation (usually, the parent is upset because the child didn't suddenly turn into an angel after the first cycle of implementation).
If the parent is confrontational/belligerent, there's not much you can do, except bring in your administrator to ensure there's no lawsuit later on because the parent is just LOOKING for an excuse to blame the schools for his/her own failures. And courts are rather illogical sometimes in how they make rulings.
I'm not a teacher, but I was a student. I wasn't exactly the kid that caused a huge ruckus in the class, but was more of the daydreamer and the kid that didn't do his homework. I was only interested in science, math, and pe, but I still didn't do the homework. My Dad eventually got feed up with seeing a bunch of D's and F's on my report card and threatend to beat the crap out of me if I didn't improve. I was frightend. I managed to pull my grades up to A's and B+'s and made the honor roll a few times. This made my Dad pleased, but when he let his tension down, I began to slack off again. I don't really have a solution for you, because you can't make the parents put the fear of pain into them (and this may not be the healthiest approach either). Even if you can convince the parents to put pressure on their child, the child is still an individual and may not cave into their parents demands. The only thing you can do is salvage those that want to learn and leave the rest to their own devices and let them learn from life. A Mother eagle pushes their babies out of their nest when the time is right. From a high cliff they fall and their mother really hopes that her child will fly, but some do not and crash into the ground and die.
Unless you're willing to begin an emotional commitment to the student's parents as well, I suggest you don't do much about this and concentrate only on how to deal with the problems that appear in the classroom. I am not about to get involved in family matters unless I have a specific interest in the growth of that child and/or an interest in the parents (friends, etc).
If you do want to proceed, I would begin by suggesting resources such as books or programs. I would also try to dispel any myths they may have about children and behavior. If he or she is their only child, perhaps they think that this bad behavior is only a passing problem that is typical of their age group. In the case that they have two or more children, they could still believe it is normal as it could be their style of parenting that brings out this bad personality in their children among many many other problems. Of course, I would never tell them that it is their fault.
It's quite hard to give advice though, because you never really know the full extent of the problem...and children and child raising is such a mystery.
Hope that helped a little bit, maybe even a tiny bit. =)
Warn them about their own future, telling them that their child is growing faster and away from from them. Instruct them to communicate wiht thier kids.Ask them to have a cup of coffee too with the kid every day. I mean that they must pass atleast one hour communicating with them. People who do not communicate iwht thier kids are going farther from their kids.One day they may loose their child in their own house.
It really depends on the situation. I find that more often than not I sort of roll my eyes over the phone. It's sort of hard to suggest things to help the parents of high schoolers.
When I do say something, I have suggested parents to either put more restrictions on their child or to enforce their existing rules more consistently. I have several times suggested counseling or to see a family doctor when a child is totally out of control.
No matter what, I am always sure to tell the parents the effects that their child's negative behavior is having on their learning and the all important class grade. I also am very clear that their child's behavior is effecting the other students in the class and how it is unfair to disrupt their ability to learn.
Sometimes this helps and sometimes it doesn't. If it remains to be an issue I get the administration involved and they often are able to say what is needed to the parents for change to occur.
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