my child uses nasty cuss words does not want to listen has a bad addituide to other children and now he dos not have many friends .but i have got to figure out how to make him act like a young man should act he is 10!What can i do with my bad mouth bad tempered out of control no mannered child?
First, you should have ruled out the possibility that he has some disorder that is making him particularly angry. Children with undiagnosed learning problems or emotional issues can become angry.
You should have a calm talk with him, with you matter-of-factly, firmly, but calmly stating to him that things have gone on far too long. Announce that there must be changes made, and if he doesn't change the behavior he will not be given money or rides or allowed to do any number of things as a result. I would ask him if he thought he needed counseling help to stop his behavior, and if he said yes I'd get him help. If he said ';no'; I'd tell him, ';Well, then, we'll go with that; but if I discover you are not willing or able to change your behavior I'm setting up an appointment, because you can't keep going on having no friends and acting like you have mental health problems.';
I'd tell him firmly, ';Look. You're ten years old now, and I'm worried because you still act like a child who is a preschooler.'; Tell him something like, ';We don't yell or swear at you, and we will not tolerate you yelling and swearing at us or anyone else. This is it. It's time you act like a boy your age should act.'; Tell him he can express himself when he's angry, but you don't want yelling and swearing in the house.
Lay out reasonable consequences: If you mouth off you're not having your television for the rest of the day, not going to have your video games, etc. etc. Let him know you're not ';some idiot'; who will be spoken to like that and then turn around and bring him to his baseball practice (or whatever).
If you use the right tone and are consistent it should work in a relatively short time (unless he has deeper issues and can't control his frustrations). In the beginning (and even once in a while later) he may slip up, but kids who are generally normal kids will usually meet expectations that are reasonable. Don't set up the mood as a big criticism session of what a bad kid he is. Create the impression for him that you have put up with immature behavior because you gave him credit for probably growing out of it on his own. Now that you're noticing he ';needs some help'; you want to outline for him what is acceptable behavior for a young man of his age and work with him to help him ';catch up'; with the more mature kids his age who don't act like that.
If it doesn't work find a counselor. There could be something he has been needing from you emotionally and hasn't gotten, and he could be feeling angry and let down. I'm not saying that's the case, but if it is you both need some professional guidance to improve the situation.
Read Super Nanny, Jo Frost's books or watch her show. She has good advice for parents with some pretty out-of-control kids. What can i do with my bad mouth bad tempered out of control no mannered child?
I remember seeing this woman and child in a deparment store, the kid was a bit audible - but not unruly, the mother came up to the kid, yanked his arm out of his socket and yelled at the top of her lungs to her kid to ';shut the F** up'; The kid replied with a cuss word too, and the cycle continued.
I often wonder what sort of teenager this kid turned out to be. Whether he ended up learning a lesson by his mum pulling his arm and yelling at him and embarrasing him in public.
I would of rathered see the mother politely ask the child to be quiet, as what's the point of asking your child to be polite if the mother wasn't acting the same way.
The reason I am reading this question is because I have the same problem. My son is 9 and has just been stood down for 24 hours from school for throwing sand in a teacher's face. Last week he punched another kid. Apart from these episodes, his biggest problem is defiance - refusing to listen, saying No, yelling and crying and generally trying to get his own way. We've tried all sorts of measures since he was little - time out - taking priveleges off him for bad behaviour with returns for appropriate behaviour - bribes/rewards - reason - input from remedial behavioural teachers. He doesn't have ADHD, he's bright, manipulative and a perfectionist and very very pedantic and rigid by nature. The only thing that's made a difference have been Omega3 capsules (he takes 1g daily) and they have helped his focus and impulse control to a degree.
In NZ you are not allowed to hit your child ('reasonable force' can be used if they are in danger, but the Police and CYFS decide what is reasonable force on a case by case basis). Personally I think that he needs a good whomping every time he behaves badly - immediately - instead of all this PC bulls*** and me only finding out what has transpired during the day when I pick him up after school (and sometimes not even then) because the school don't think what happens at school should have consequences at home.
Anyway, today he is going to be working his a** off at home (during school hours) with all the jobs his father and I can think of as a deterrent for him ever doing anything that will get him suspended again.
I'm looking forward to reading more answers here.
OK. He needs some discipline and he needs it now. Every time he cusses, take something the he likes away. Tell him when he can speak in an appropriate manner, consistently, they will be returned. But that disrespect is not going to get him anything he desires and you refuse to have him speak to you that way. When he doesn't listen, do the same thing. Heck, you may just want to take everything and make him earn each thing back based on appropriate behavior. You should include being polite to others and learning to disagree appropriately to his list of behaviors he needs to learn before his things are returned. When I say things, I mean anything he loves. Computer, t.v. movies, video games, anything. These things are privileges, not rights and he hasn't earned the right to have them yet.
First look to see who his role model is, and what type of behavior that person teaches by his lifestyle.
Okay, now I have two grandsons, 10 %26amp; 11 and both are copying Gangster Rap poses and behaviors. Both live with their mothers so as a grandparent I don't have a whole lot of control here.
Get to the library or go online to the Focus on Family website so you can purchase Dr. James Dobson's book on raising boys. You need help and Dr. D. has been helping families for years.
I also recommend using the book ';Creative Discipline'; which is also a Focus on Family book. She offers a lot of good ideas on how to discipline so you can teach and still instill good values when you discipline your son.
First of all, you must find out where he's picking up these bad manners. Are you sure it's not from home? Sometimes we don't realize that we're not setting a good example for our children. It could also be from school and his set of friends, who knows. Maybe he's trying to fit in and is acting out. Regardless, he must respect his parents and everyone around him. Have you tried sitting him down and talking to him about the rules he must follow? You could write them down and review them together on a regular basis. If these rules are broken, there should be consequences (ex. no tv, no computer, etc.). Taking away a privilege is always effective. You could also try to reward him for good behaviour; positive enforcement is effective too, of course. I wish you all the best. Raising children is not always easy. Good luck!
that is what the good lord put a but on kids for. if you don't use it you will lose it. people today say i don't believe in a belt. but look at the young ones now. no respect-- no manner's-- guns to school.--most not any good. you are going to have to get control of him. it is getting a little late now. he is 10 you should have had control of him from day one. the good book says spar the rod spoil the child. that don't mean to abuse him.
Oh. My. God. Half the people on here are suggesting to hurt the poor child! According to experts (including dr. phil) children only learn such behaviors from their parents and/or lack enough attention from their parents and they find that If they are misbehaving, they are noticed.
Not blaming you, but maybe try your own methods of parenting, don't ask randoms on the internet!!
Mam, I'm from the old school! I'm a firm believer ';that if you spare the rod you'll spoil the child';!It also says the very same thing in the Bible; your son needs correted now, before he figures he can do anything, and nobody can do anything to him,since he is now 10 yrs.old, spanking him with your hand won't work, I don't think a ruler will work either, when I was growing up (my dad NEVER WHIPPED US KIDS(6) TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO, when he whipped us (with the belt), we had it coming, now its your choice what you use, BUT mam, since he is 10 yrs. old nothing but something like a belt will do; as far as his mouth is concerned, I can tell you what I did to my kids(and you make up your own mind)but my way worked!!!Go get a teaspoon and dish liquid out of yoyur kitchen,put(YOU PUT YOUR SON ON THE FLOOR)SIT ON HIM IF YOU HAVE TO!Put the dish liquid on the spoon,hold his nose (so he will have to open his mouth to breathe) put the dish liquid in his mouth and make him shut his mouth by touching in his ribs (as if to tickle him), he will swallow it, it will make him sicker than a dog,(the reason you use dish liquid is because he CAN NOT PIT IT OUT HE HAS TO SWALLOW IT), my sons are now 24 yrs.old, 23 yrs.old and they still remember!,The out of control part may be that he has ADHD[Attention Deficient Hyper-activeness Disorder],you can get him checked specifically for that, and if that is what he has medications for that, his disrespect to you and others, someone else may have involved with that!';MERRY CHRISTMAS';.
If this has happened, there is almost nothing you can do. just constantly remind him not to cuss, and punish him by grounding him or something. He probably wont change, so dont get ur hopes up too much. Just make sure he doesnt tun perverted too... And if its to late for that too, just wait till hes 20 or something and embarrase him for all the cursing he has done.
why are you waiting until he is 10 to teach him manners? you may be too late
as much as i hate hitting, it may be time. you need to set the ground rules and stick to them. dont let him walk over you. his room needs to be the only place he is allowed until he behaves (and school) no games, no radio, no phone, no computer, nothing. school homework chores and bed....until he changes his ways.
Here are some options, MAKE SURE YOU DO ALL OF THEM, and if #1 does not work then go to #2, so on....
1. Put him in time outs, ground him (do any punishment that will make him feel that he is not behaving)
2. Start a nice day, act so nice to him that he will think its a bit awkward to act mean to you when you are so nice to him. Buy him Ice cream after dinner and sort of communicate with him. Once he gets in bed, talk to him calmly without yelling and ask him why he is getting mad. Ask him what you are doing wrong and what can make his life better. If he says some weird stuff like buying you a million dollar stuff then tell him some stuff that can make you satisfied (like if he doesn't say cuss words for a certain time like a week then you will give him $10 to spend. etc.)
3. No talking day: Do not talk to him if he has hurt your feelings and start to fake cry and once he feels sorry for you tell him how you feel and if he will do it again.
4. Make him write I am sorry on 2 pages front and back!!
5. Once he comes home from school, dress nicely and greet him in the home, teach him some proper etiquette and give him a nice dinner.
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I'm quite sure...
The child learned the NASTY CUSS WORDS on his own.
I'm quite sure that his BAD attitude was picked up through OSMOSIS.
I'm sure him not having any friends - has nothing to do with him having bad manners and habits.
Here's the deal... The damage is done. Try raising your next child better. Setting appropriate limits - and, don't blame the NEXT one for bad parenting.
oh you gotta love those little boys. My son tried this and i will be honest i slapped his face. he was about 10. then he was fine till about 14, by then he was 6 feet tall and i balled my fist and hit=hard. I went to my room and cried to myself but never let him knnow that but today he is fixing to turn 18 and you could not pay him to do it again. He has his own apartment and truck that he pays for with his own job and everyone tells me how mature he is. Just remember its only abuse if they need medical attention and as a mother you are the one to decide if he needs it. so go slay them dragons. and good luck.
well you can make him go through anger management problems..or beat some sense into him im not saying to beat him for no reason but when he gets angry over stupid stuff or just starts yelling for no reason and starts cussing just hit him maybe 1 or 2 times...and punish him by taking away stuff
At 10..he's pretty used to behaving that way and getting away with it...maybe therapy? Maybe he's got a bad attitude because of something that's going on that he doesn't feel like he can talk to you about.
stop spoiling him and instead of controlling him teach him right and wrong my parents never had curfew and stuff and im going to go to engineering school and im in the army reserves so i turned out fine with them not micro managing me
lol make him go to military school! jkjk anyway u should try finding the source and then mayb get the ';super nanny'; show to come?? jk again. sry im weird. so u should seriously find the source and then try to communicate w/ him so u understand each other then make think ur his idol then its up to u
Take him to his pediatrician. He will probably find a behavioral specialist, who will determine how to satisfy the child.
Spank him and make it clear to him that such behaviour is not allowed. If you can't correct him now, you will never be able to later.
Welll first u should teach the a lesson on why not to use that kind of language and tell him that he would get in trouble later in life.. Or u can also just descipline him.
Sell him to the highest bidder
It is too late to get him to shape up.. you should have put your footdown years ago.
Now you are saddled with an ungrateful child
10 years old eh? You should still be stronge enough to beat his ***. (spanking) Make him know you're beating him because of his swearing. Careful not to leave a bruise though! =D
Spank him and wash his mouth out with soap. It's the tried and true method that's been around for generations.
SPANK HIS BUTT HE WILL ONLY GET WORSE!!
WASH HIS MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP!!!
MAKE HIM VOLUNTEER WITH SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN!!!
*SLAP!*
Repeat as necessary.
I was spanked as a child if I ever did anything like that.
Spank him, ground him, every time he uses bad language make him eat soap or my favorite tabasco sause. That's what my mom does. hope it helped!
may I suggest...the belt? (at 10, you're very nearly too late).
next time he does it at all without warning in front of everyone and anyone smack the living day lights out of him...
where does he learn it from? you need to cut the source out first before anything else....
